


These Insecurities

by kristaminamino



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristaminamino/pseuds/kristaminamino
Summary: Astrid is on her way to meet Zen while he is home with his broken ankle. She's doubtful he'll be physically attracted to her, but will he change her mind?
Relationships: Zen | Ryu Hyun/Reader
Kudos: 22





	These Insecurities

_I shall send Astrid to Zen’s house…_

The words from Jumin echoed in my head as I messily attempted to blend the foundation onto my face. My fingers ran down my neck to blend the color, and I quickly swiped a bit of pale pink blush on my cheeks. I hurriedly picked an eyebrow pencil and ran it across my eyebrows, attempting my best with shaky hands to be even. My phone buzzed on the table and in my nerves, I dropped the pencil. I picked up the phone to see a text from Jaehee, informing me of the location to meet Mr. Kim. I gave a slight nod, sending a quick reply. Soon I turned to survey the messy bedroom. The articles of clothing suddenly seemed to taunt me and absentmindedly tightened my core. _Zen has never seen me…what if…_ A nervous churn settled into my stomach as I slipped on a loose cardigan over my tank top, and I straightened the band on my yoga pants before I stepped to the door to meet Mr. Kim.

I sat in the plush leather of the limo seat, looking out the tinted windows as storefronts flew past. Mr. Kim, the driver, was quiet, only acknowledging how far we were every so often. Swallowing hard I only nodded, and soon I was aware of how much I was sweating. I quickly pulled the hair tie from my wrist and pulled my hair into my typical messy bun. I dug through my purse to find a mini stick of deodorant, doing a quick run under my arms. As I slipped it back into the purse I glanced back out the window to see the bright lights of the city less frequent. I glanced down at my thighs, crossed together but rounded and thick through the yoga pants. A slight bulge from my stomach poked out, cruelly greeting me. “He’s going to change his mind…” I whispered, idly rubbing my hands down my thighs to remedy the sweating palms. Someone as gorgeous as Zen wouldn’t like someone like me. Why would he? He could have literally anyone…models, actresses, singers…Doubt completely flooded my brain and I suddenly felt like I was making a terrible decision. Before I could say anything, the car slowed to a stop and I heard the click as the car was in park. “Ma’am we’re here. I will get your door.” I stared as he stepped out and walked around the front of the car to the back right side. He pulled it open and stepped to the side, and I merely stared out. Mr. Kim glanced my way as he curtly called, “Ma’am?” I felt almost shocked back to reality as I scooted out of the car and slowly stepped to the front door. Shakily, my finger reached out and pressed the doorbell, and I heard a melodic voice call, “Who is it?” The same nerves from earlier churned in my stomach, working their way into my chest as my heartbeat worked itself faster and faster. I stood and waited until the door opened and there he stood. He wore a black tank top with a grey zip-up hoodie over it and white lounge pants. I stared at him with wide eyes, unable to force words from my throat, but Mr. Kim spoke behind me. “I brought her here following Mr. Han’s orders. He has told me to bring her back in two hours. I will be waiting out front.” With that, I felt the presence of Mr. Kim leave from behind me, and Zen only stared at me with the same wide eyes. There was a short silence as I tried to force my brain to speak, but his handsome face lit up with a large smile. “Astrid, it’s really…Oh man, I’m so happy to see you.” I smiled weakly and nodded, but he hobbled over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I tensed under the touch, negativities racing through my mind on how he would react to my body. But he merely pulled away and ushered me inside.

The inside of his home was modest, with a small TV settled in front of a window. Across from the TV sat a glass coffee table and a beige love seat. There was a coat closet next to the TV in the corner, with one door leading to what I assumed was the bedroom. There was a small kitchen across from the living area, with a metal shelving system situated on a cabinet. As I glanced around Zen turned to look at me. I caught his eyes and I felt my cheeks pink immediately. “Astrid, it’s so good to finally meet you.” His eyes twinkled as he said this, with an excited flush to his own cheeks that didn’t leave. I nodded as I forced a smile to my lips, but I whispered, “Same Zen…you’re more handsome in person…” It seemed impossible for this smile to get bigger, but it did as he hurriedly asked, “Can I get you something to drink? Do you want to play a board game or something? I have a few around here…” He hobbled over to the shelves where he glanced over a few, but then he turned. “Are you hungry? I don’t have much here, but we could maybe go grocery shopping or order some takeout. There’s a few places that deliver here…” I chewed the inside of my lip as he watched me expectantly, but I said quickly, “Maybe we can go get some groceries? So you can have stuff for the week.” He nodded quickly and zipped up his hoodie, but hobbled over to the door where his crutches sat against the wall. “Thank you for looking out for me!”

We walked to a market nearby and picked up a few simple things for a quick dinner as well as things for the week for Zen. The walk back was somewhat quiet, my brain still restarting and trying to form normal sentences. Zen, however, kept talking, obviously excited with the events of the night. Once we got back to his apartment I helped put everything away, but I added, “I can help with dinner, just tell me-”  
“No, no jagiya. You sit and relax. I want to be a gentleman and cook you dinner.” I stared at him as he turned back to the counter, starting to cut up items for the stir fry. I simply sat slowly into the dining room seat, my hands buried in my lap. I finally worked up the courage to start a conversation, though not a great one. “Your apartment here is quite nice.” He glanced back at me, as he threw veggies into a pan with a bit of oil. “Thank you. It’s simple but home. I’ve been here for a year or two now.” The sizzle of the pan started low and started to fill the room with a sweet spice aroma. I felt my stomach grumble and I shifted. _Shut up, you already had dinner…_   
“Are you okay with tofu?” he questioned, holding a plastic container, and I nodded quickly.

We seated ourselves and ate dinner. For someone who’s diet consisted mainly of water and beer, his cooking skills were quite impressive. He was in the middle of eating as he glanced up at noticed me picking at the food. He tensed in his seat as he questioned quickly, “Is it too spicy? Too much sauce?” My head shot up with wide eyes but I quickly shook my head. “No, no it’s not that. It’s really good.” He nodded slightly as I picked up a piece of tofu with my chopsticks. “It’s just, I already ate…I don’t want to overeat…”  
“Oh nonsense, it’s not like you’ll gain weight from this. And it’s healthy for you.” His lips turned up into a smile as he looked back at his food, and I only gazed back at my bowl. The truth is, my brain was wracked with anxiety with eating again tonight. I feared I would wake up tomorrow morning with an extra five pounds and my pants would stretch even further. I was already self-conscious of the newly developing stretch marks across my hips. What if they got darker? Oh god, what would Zen think if he saw them? Zen glanced up again to notice me staring off in my thoughts, but he whispered, “Hey…” I jumped as I heard his voice, but he set his chopsticks to the side. “You okay?” I nodded quickly as I swallowed down the knot in my throat, but as I attempted to pull more food out his hand grabbed my idle one next to the bowl. Beneath my eyelashes, I peered up at him, and he gave a small smile. His eyes were sincere as he gave my hand a squeeze, but he spoke, “You can tell me if something is troubling you, you know that right?” I nodded slowly and he only pulled his hand away. He picked his chopsticks up again and started to eat again, but I questioned with a meek voice, “Zen when you saw me standing at the door what did you think?” My gaze hesitantly looked for his, and he stared at me. For a moment it was like he was thinking, but his smile glistened as he cooed, “Honestly I was so dumbstruck by this goddess standing at my door. Someone who gets me completely and is so sweet and kind, and I finally see you standing in front of me…” His smile suddenly fell as he fidgeted in his seat a bit, and my brows furrowed in confusion.

We quickly finished dinner and I helped Zen clean the dishes. Afterward, he grabbed my hand and excitedly chirped, “Come. I want to show you something.” Clearly confused, I only nodded and followed after him down a hallway. We walked down a corridor to another door, and to a set of stairs where he led me up to another door with a small window. He opened it and I was soon greeted with cool air, pushing my hair back. We stepped out onto the rooftop, and I gasped as I took in the sights. I could see neighboring buildings with their bright lights shimmering against the dark contrast of the sky. My eyes traveled upwards as I noted the pinpoints of stars glittering brightly. “Oh Zen…” I whispered, turning slowly to take in all the sights. He seemed proud of my amazement, but I stepped over to the railing as I looked out. He followed me slowly and stood next to me as his hands gripped the railing. “This is one perk, to living in a basement I suppose…” I nodded as I surveyed the buildings around us, but he motioned to a bench as we sat down together. We were silent, sitting together amongst the beeping of the cars below us. I noticed him fidget with his hands, but he finally spoke after what seemed like forever. “I’m sorry for keeping you so late…I’m happy you came. I’d love to make you stay here with me if I could.” I could sense his hesitation, so I merely leaned with and placed my hand on his thigh. He glanced up at me and I smiled. “I want to stay here too… trust me.” He smiled back at me and looked back at the stone tiling. “I’m so happy to hear that…you know, do you think I deserve to do rehearsals with an ankle like this?” My gaze turned to the cast that rested against the pavement.  
“I trust your decision…”   
He chuckled and grasped my hand that was still on his thigh. “Thank you, for that. To be honest…I did brag about being able to do the rehearsals again, but I don’t feel completely good about it. I used to swear to myself never to depend on the power of money.”   
“Why?” I questioned, shifting on the bench. He cleared his throat and sighed, but muttered, “It’s a long story…do you want to listen?”

From there he told me the story of his family, how his brother was once supportive of him, and soon turned away from him as his parents did. His parents shunned him for his looks, degrading him and assuming the path he would take simply because of his looks. He explained his past of the motorcycle gang, how he transitioned between things once he left his family, and how he finally ended up in acting. Finally, he turned to look at me and his cheeks were flushed. “I feel like, I’ve known you forever. You’re strange.” I poked my tongue out, a slight smile on my lips. He laughed and merely squeezed my hand, but I whispered, “Zen, I’m glad you feel that. I feel the same.” He turned his eyes to our hands as he squeezed his grip on mine, but he said lowly, “It’s going to be trouble if you stay the night.” My brow furrowed as I straightened my posture, but I questioned, “What do you mean?” His lips turned into a slight smile as he shook his head, but he added, “If you can’t guess…then you don’t need to know…Sorry, I can’t help myself. I’m a guy…just holding your hand makes me imagine what will happen in the end. You should…go home before it’s too late.” I gave a slight pout as he cleared his throat, but he released my hand and stood shakily. I stood with him in case he needed help, but he turned with a smile. “Thankfully the driver is still here…shall we go down then?”

We reemerged into his room as he shut the door behind us. I stood silently as he stepped over to the dining room table, picking up my purse. I stepped over to him and took it with a thank you, but as I slid the strap over my shoulder I grabbed his hand before he could turn. He turned to me with a confused look, but I shuffled my feet and whispered “Zen?” He turned fully to me and took my other hand, now holding both. I look up at him as his eyes seemed concerned. I wanted to question it, I wanted to confront my fears, but I was also worried about how he would react. I swallowed the knot of nerves in my throat as I questioned, “I have to be honest…on the way here I was a ball of nerves thinking of how you would perceive me.” His brows knit together in confusion as I noted his gaze, but I clarified, “I…you’re gorgeous. You’re fit and extremely attractive. And then there’s me…I’m ordinary. I’m not stick thin like actresses you work with, or models you see every day.” As I continued his eyes widened at my confession and my eyes fell to the floor. “I’m sorry…I was just worried you wouldn’t be attracted to me once you saw me.” A dry chuckle broke through my throat as he shook his head. “Astrid…what-” His hands moved to my biceps and squeezed, and I snatched my head up to look him in the eyes. “Astrid, I fell for you in the chatrooms and through texts and phone calls. You have been a big support for me through this whole thing…I was so excited to meet you in person, and once I laid eyes on you…” I could see his body give a shiver and he shook his head. “I’m not sure who told you these lies about your looks, but please believe me when I say you are absolutely gorgeous.” My face felt hot as he said this, and I merely nodded. My mouth was unable to form any words but he nodded and hesitantly wrapped his arms around me. I slowly hugged him back, and as I met his body I melded into the touch. I wanted to cry at his words, but I wouldn’t. Not just yet anyway.

I quickly made my way home with the help of Driver Kim, who didn’t seem too happy with disobeying Jumin’s time frame. I stepped through the door of my apartment before I stepped out of my shoes and shut the door. I pulled my phone from my purse and set it to the side, walking into the bedroom. As I plopped down on the bed stomach first, my phone buzzed with a phone call. I could see Zen’s name on the screen and I swiped to accept it. “Hello?” I spoke, biting my bottom lip. I heard a sigh and then suddenly Zen said, “Are you home yet? I wanted to call and check on you but I wasn’t sure how long it would take.” I smiled and nestled myself into the covers. “Thank you, Zen…I just got home.” He sighed and I heard a rustle, but he commented, “Okay good…getting ready for bed?” I gave a hum and pressed my head against the comforter. “Yes, just going to wash my face and get into my pajamas.” He hummed and then was silent for a moment. I listened to his quiet breathing before I questioned, “Zen?”  
“Hmm?”  
“Thank you, for what you said earlier…it was nice to hear you fight off my insecurities.”   
“Astrid of course. And as long as it takes, I’ll continue to fight them off for you. Princess, you deserve the world.” Again my cheeks reddened and I merely giggled. “Thank you Zenny.” He groaned and I fidgeted a bit. “Ohh you called me Zenny. That’s so cute!” After a few more words I merely whispered, “Goodnight Zenny.”  
“Goodnight my princess…sleep well.”


End file.
